filtering

As I began to read Week 1 last night, I was struck by a feeling I'd experienced during a few moments while reading through the first 24 pages of the book. And that was this: it's okay if some of it doesn't resonate with me anymore. Today I'm specifically talking about what Cameron refers to as "core negative beliefs" (the list on pages 30-31). Believe me, if ever a girl had core negative beliefs, it's ME. But I'm finding that all these years later after reading that passage for the first time, none of those examples really ring true for me. And that's okay. I can create my own list. Frankly, my list is beginning to appear in my morning pages. Not a list, per se, but I've got some very deep, long-held (ancient!) negative beliefs coming up. It's fantastic, because I can't rid myself of them until I dig them out.

Cameron's big on what she calls "blurts" (page 35): "You will be amazed at the rotten things your subconscious will blurt out. Write them down. These blurts flag your personal negative core beliefs."

A confession: I've never been a big fan of the blurts. I fully agree that the very root of this work is locating and eliminating those negative core beliefs. But I'd rather not continually focus my energy on blurts. I understand that she wants us to transform them into affirmations (last paragraph before the exercises): "This week, please be sure to work with your affirmations of choice and your blurts at the end of each day's morning pages. Convert all blurts into positive affirmations." There's a delicate balance here, it seems to me. As anyone who reads my 'regular' blog can attest, I have no problem revealing some pretty embarrassing truths about myself, so it's not like I'm running from any negative thoughts I have about myself. Hell, I hang 'em on the clothesline so the whole neighborhood can see them. (I learned years ago that there's incredible empowerment in revealing oneself.) I'd just rather focus more energy on positive affirmations.

Here's an important piece of information about me to know right off: I fully believe that I'm a bright, very competent, multi-talented, creative person. I talk a lot of smack in a self-deprecating fashion (because I abhor arrogance), but deep down, I think I've got some shit that's pretty cool. But here's the thing: it's often been OTHER people in my life who have led me to believe I wasn't up to snuff. So I have a feeling this week I'll be focusing less on self-generated blurts, and more on my Monster Hall of Fame. :)